Jumping beans

It’s been a while, I know. We’ve been quite busy the past couple years. Maybe I’ll tell you all about it, if you ask. If you actually want to know. But I’m guessing by the time you start reading these, you’ll be “too cool to care” about what happened “back then”.

Nikisha, my Beans, you’ll be 9 years old next month. I’m not sure where the time has gone, but you’re growing way too fast for me. I’m going to have to have the mother-daughter talks soon, but I’m not ready. The older you get, the less we get along. I don’t want to lose my baby girl.

Except, I want you to grow up to be a strong independent woman. Take on the world with the your head up high. But mama is going to do it wrong sometimes. Maybe even most of the time. I just want you to know that I’m trying. I’m still learning how to be a good mom. Forever learning. You are my first teacher on this subject. You’re doing a great job. Me? Not as good as you.

Academically, you’re not doing the greatest right now. Everything is hard. But you are my daughter and I know that you’ll figure things out when you’re ready. I just forget. And I push too hard most of the time. It’s not your fault, but mine. Because I do not know what to do and instead of trying to figure it out, I flip out. I’m working on that. I don’t want to make you feel insecure anymore.

You’re doing good in other ways. You’re so full of energy and free spirited. You had a hard time learning how to ride your bike without training wheels, but you didn’t give up even though no one had the time to teach you. Just a couple weeks ago I watched you look at a picture and draw it. Within minutes. I was amazed.

I can go on about the good and bad, but the point I’m trying to make is. Despite what an awful job I feel I’m doing as your mama, you’re amazing.